2004-02-12 - 10:24 p.m.
You know, life is funny sometimes. People say that around every corner there's a new twist. I've done some things in my life that i'm not particulary proud of. There's things that i've seen that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I have such a messed up mentallity sometimes and I just don't know why. Why is it that I can't just get shit right. I wish that my uncle was around to help me, to talk to, to hug. Man, it hurts so much to know that the only person who you trust is gone. I wish that i could take back the things that hurt so many people in my life. I know that I don't have the worst life, but I hsve it pretty bad. Everytime I get close to someone, I get screwed. My cousin is behind bars and every time I think of it, it hurts. It hurts cuz I could be there right now. If someone could just come along and understand what i am going through and help me work through it, it would be great. It's been a year since my uncle died, and ten year since my little brother died. It just hurts so bad because i'm just now realizing that they are gone. I'm tired of being the strong one and being the one that everyone turns to when they need help. Sometimes I wonder what the people in my life would think if I died. I'm also torn between my heart because I have someone in my life,but I might end up hurting her if she waits on me. Military life is so hard.
